A Gun Thing
by starvingstudent
Summary: Deeks focused oneshot set post-6.14 (Black Wind), but with mention of 2.8 (Bounty) and very briefly 5.3 (Omni). Deeks's trust has evolved over the years since the early days when he couldn't even let Kensi hold his gun and now he's willingly giving it up to Callen/Sam.


_**AN: So, this took a lot longer to put together than I expected. It grew out of me wanting to write something in response to a little scene I noticed in a recent episode (Black Wind) where Deeks handed his gun over to Callen/Sam and I remembered how difficult it once was for him to let even Kensi hold his gun. Of course, tying everything together with the fact that after the Sidorov storyline he not only got a new gun but a new **_**type **_**of gun became an interesting challenge. I think I'm happy with how it came out.**_

_**I know nothing about guns, but according to my (limited) research of re-watching past episodes (2.8 and 5.3) Deeks came to NCIS with an LAPD issued Beretta. Then after losing it at the end of season 4 to save Sam, Hetty gave him a Smith and Wesson. Everyone else carries SIGs (according to Kensi). I've included flashbacks to past episodes in italics. The 'current' storyline is during/after 6.14 Black Wind.**_

* * *

Episode 2.8 - Bounty

_"Can I see your gun?" Kensi asked._

_"My gun? What for?" Deeks responded._

_"It's a Beretta 92fs, right? LAPD issue?"_

_"Actually, yeah."_

_"NCIS agents carry SIGs. I just want to see how yours fires."_

_"I'm sorry; you want to fire my gun?"_

_"You're acting weird."_

_"I just don't like people firing my gun."_

_"Okay, let me just hold it then."_

_"I don't like people holding my gun."_

_"You can fire mine."_

_"I don't want to fire your gun, alright? I don't want anything to do with your gun. And it's not personal."_

_"Feels personal."_

_"It's just a guy thing."_

_"A guy thing?"_

_"A gun thing. I said a gun thing."_

00

Episode 6.14 - Black Wind

"You'll need one of these," Deeks says, voluntarily handing his weapon to Callen. He and Kensi have just entered Tijuana through a drug tunnel and met up with Callen and Sam, who were forced to enter Mexico undercover and without weapons. Having not exactly expected to be not-so-legally entering another country through a drug tunnel that day, Kensi and Deeks had been out with only their primary weapons each. Deeks knows his move will leave him and Kensi with only one gun between them as they race to save Alejandro's grandson and daughter-in-law, but the protectiveness he feels towards his team overrides any sense of self preservation.

Callen nods as he accepts the gun, his way of recognizing the gesture. And then Kensi and Deeks are hurrying for the borrowed van. It's not until after they have located Alejandro's family's home, Kensi takes out a cartel shooter on a motorcycle and they have safely dropped off mother and son at the embassy that Deeks feels like he can take a moment to breathe.

"I'd call that a successful mission, partner," Deeks calls out as he pulls open the passenger seat of the van.

"Not exactly what I envisioned us doing a few hours ago..." is Kensi's response as she lets herself into the driver's side.

He laughs. "Is this job ever what you expect it to be?"

She shrugs as she turns on the ignition. "Sneaking into Mexico through a drug tunnel and racing to save a family against a cartel is a little more out of the box than usual."

"Fair point. Great shot, by the way. Moving target on a motorcycle. Took him down in one shot." Deeks whistles. "Impressive."

Kensi nods. "Thank you."

"Hopefully Callen and Sam are having the same luck."

"You gave them their best chance," she says. "And without any hesitation."

He startles slightly at her words.

She smiles. "Don't think I didn't notice how easily you handed over your gun."

He clears his throat and glances away. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Don't do that," she requests gently. "If it's not something you want to talk about, then that's okay." She pauses and hesitates, as if not sure how to verbalize her thoughts. "But don't...pretend you don't understand me, Deeks."

He stares at her and knows he's hurt her feelings, but doesn't know how to fix it. He always hated hurting partner Kensi. Now that she's more than just his partner he hates it even more, but their change in status hasn't made their communication skills any easier. Sure, now that their feelings are out in the open and they're all in, things are better. Infinitely better. But it's still a slow crawl towards learning how to really talk to each other. He opens his mouth, but finds he, too, doesn't quite know how to verbalize his thoughts.

Always so determined in everything, Kensi beats him to finding words. "I'm your partner, Deeks. I know you. Just like you know me."

He nods, following her lead. "I know that."

They stare at each other for a long moment, both hesitating but also determined.

"You know me better than anyone," Deeks adds because it's his turn to take the lead and because it's the truth. No one has ever bothered to _know_ him like she has, even long before they were more-than-partners. His words seem to help because she smiles at him.

"I may not know as many trivial things about you like you do me," she says. "Mostly because I don't snoop in your apartment nearly as much as you do in mine," she attempts a joke. He smiles and she continues. "But I know how your mind works. I know how important trust is for you; how hard it is for you to build it."

"You understand that," he acknowledges, knowing they both remember that first year of their partnership where two people with trust issues had been forced together. He remembers wondering if they would ever have a fraction of the trust they have now. It warms his heart just how much he knows he can rely on the woman sitting next to him.

"I do," she agrees. "And I remember the guy who once upon a time wouldn't even let his partner _hold_ his gun, let alone willingly give it to his teammate without hesitation."

Deeks nods thoughtfully. "Trust is a pretty powerful thing, huh?"

00

Episode 2.8 - Bounty

_"I honestly just don't understand what the big deal is?" Deeks asked._

_"You don't trust me. I'd say that's a pretty big deal, wouldn't you?" Kensi countered._

_"I just have a thing about my gun."_

_"At this point in our relationship, after all the stuff that we've done-"_

_He cut her off. "I'm sorry."_

_"What?"_

_"Did you just say relationship?"_

_"No. I said partnership, okay?" She paused for snapping, "You're very annoying."_

_"Maybe I just need a little bit of space." He leaned back against her desk._

_"You're on my desk."_

_Sam, who had been attempting to meditate nearby, snapped. "Listen here, both of you. You don't trust each other. All the fist-bumping and saying you got each others' back doesn't mean squat unless there's trust. So build it. Soon. Or risk the consequences."_

00

It takes a week for Deeks's gun to be released from the internal investigation that followed the teams' Tijuana case. Not because there was any indication of wrongdoing. It just took their assigned investigator longer than usual to make sense of the multiple reports he had to weed through, seeing as Deeks's gun had passed between so many team members.

Deeks had fired it in the drug tunnel and killed a cartel member on sentry duty. Indirectly related to their case. The man had been firing at them and was no doubt a life threatening danger to Deeks, his partner, Granger and a civilian, who had been injured. No wrongdoing.

Then the gun had been carried into a foreign country through a cartel drug tunnel. While their use of the tunnel to enter Mexico was clearly not for illegal purposes, intentions and relations to their case needed to be confirmed.

Then Callen had fired it on the helipad and fatally wounded a helicopter. More directly related to their case. Also, the only part of the case that remained open, as it was unclear whether NCIS would be billed for the damages. Hetty was furious about the possibility, but Callen and Sam were resolute it had been their best option considering the potential outcome of allowing the bad guys to get away in the chopper with the chemical weapon.

Then Sam had used the Smith and Wesson to shoot and kill two terrorists on the helipad. Directly related to their case. A direct danger to both himself, his partner and thousands of civilians. No wrongdoing.

An unusual path for one weapon to take within one case as it passed between three team members and two countries, and shot three people and one aircraft. During the delay in the weapon being released, Deeks has been loaned a NCIS issued SIG, which he has made sure to complain about at least twice a day. But he's also spent the better part of an hour each day in the shooting range with the SIG making sure he'll be as accurate as possible if he needs to use it. Even if it's not his choice of weapon, he's not about to leave himself or, more importantly, his partner or team unprotected.

On day five, Deeks makes his way back to his desk from the shooting range with his loaner SIG stuffed in the back waistband of his jeans. It's still early, but Callen is already at his desk.

"Deeks," Callen greets.

"Morning," Deeks says.

"You're here early. Shooting range again?"

Deeks nods and pulls the SIG from his waistband to stow in his desk drawer.

"You are hitting the target, right?"

Deeks glares at his team leader.

Callen chuckles. "Kidding. You're just spending a lot of time in the range this week. Never seen you early this many days in a row."

Deeks runs a hand through his hair to give himself an extra couple seconds to respond as he decides whether to brush off Callen's unasked question with a joke or be serious. Eventually he sighs and shrugs his shoulders. "I'm just trying to get comfortable with the SIG. My accuracy is fine. My consistency is almost like it was. But I'm not comfortable." If he needs to use the gun he doesn't want to hesitate or second guess a shot.

Callen nods thoughtfully. "Do you think you'll ever be comfortable?"

Deeks shrugs again. "It took me a while to get used to the Smith and Wesson after I lost my Beretta. I'm sure it'll get better."

"So, you'd be open to making a permanent change?"

"Why? Am I not getting my gun back?" Deeks asks, suddenly worried.

Callen actually laughs and shakes his head. "I'm sure you'll get it back soon." He goes back to his paperwork.

It's less than a minute later that Deeks realizes Callen wasn't asking about guns.

00

Episode 2.8 - Bounty

_"I carry a Beretta 92FS because the manual safety saved my ass one time during a gun snatch attempt by a junkie. And if the magazine ever jams, I can just pop a bullet straight into the chamber." Deeks held out the gun to Kensi. "Take a look."_

Episode 5.3 Omni

_"New Smith and Wesson?"_

_"New gun. Same manual safety."_

_"It's helpful if a junkie tries to snatch it from you," Kensi said._

_Deeks turned to look at her._

_"Someone once told me that," Kensi added._

_Deeks looked away._

_"So...you're here to...?"_

_"Work," he said, looking back at her. "I'm here to work."_

_"You back?"_

_"I'm going to take it one day at a time."_

00

Deeks is in the shooting range on the afternoon of day seven when Sam joins him. He's finally starting to feel somewhat comfortable with the SIG, but the secured bag in Sam's hand makes him smile.

"Please tell me that's what I think it is," he says, placing the SIG onto the ledge leading to the range and turning towards Sam.

"All cleared for use," Sam responds, handing Deeks the Smith and Wesson.

Deeks takes the gun and pulls it from the bag, smiling at the familiar weight and grip. "That's so much better." He looks up at Sam, still smiling. "Thanks."

"Thank you," Sam counters. "Without a weapon, I don't know how Callen and I would have stopped the bad guys or protected ourselves."

"Hey, anytime, man."

Sam nods. "I know." He pauses but doesn't hesitate before adding, "It's not the first time you gave up your weapon for me."

Deeks looks away and releases a slow breath. He runs his fingers through his hair and then looks back at Sam. "It's nothing you wouldn't do for me."

"You're right about that. But I also never thanked you for what you did."

"What are you talking about? Of course you did."

"I thanked you for what happened after. For what happened in the auto shop. But when we talked in the hospital I didn't know what you had done before that; after I was thrown into the pool. I didn't find out until later that you went in alone and gave up your weapon. And you knew there wasn't any close back up."

"I wasn't about to let you drown," Deeks says.

Sam smiles. "I appreciate that. Thank you."

Deeks runs his hand through his hair again, trying not to be uncomfortable.

Sam nods knowingly and doesn't push for more. "I am sorry I lost you your Beretta. I remember a few arguments between you and Kensi about how attached you were to it."

Deeks laughs, releasing a shoulder load of tension. "I wasn't _that_ bad," he counters. In the beginning his Beretta had been his one true hold on his LAPD life. He hadn't wanted it to be handled and questioned by the agents he'd been tossed in to work with. _He_ hadn't wanted to be questioned.

"You like the Smith and Wesson better?"

Deeks purses his lips as he thinks back over the last year and a half he's been using the new gun. "I guess I kind of do," he admits. "Never would have thought I'd move on from the Beretta, but I guess Hetty knew better."

"Ah, Hetty, of course," Sam says with a nod.

"Had it waiting the day I came back to work."

Sam chuckles. "The woman works in mysterious ways."

"That she does."

Sam pauses for a moment and then motions to the neglected SIG still sitting on the platform. "Were you getting used to the SIG at all?"

Deeks shrugs. "A bit. Still not overly comfortable."

"So, you don't think you'll ever switch to the SIG for good?"

Deeks bites back a smile as Sam's question echoes that of his partner's from just a few days ago. He wonders briefly if Callen and Sam are in cahoots about this or it's just coincidence. "The SIG is...better than I would have expected," he says. "And after so many years determined I would never move on from my Beretta, maybe the Smith and Wesson is a good middle step."

Sam stares him down for several moments, considering. "You do know SIG is a metaphor for-"

Deeks laughs and nods. "I speak metaphor fluently, Sam."

Sam nods and then smiles as the meaning behind Deeks's words sink in. "Good." He turns to leave and then turns back at the door. "Metaphors aside, Deeks, you can use whatever gun you want. It's your skills that have you here, not your choice in weapon." He said and then left the room before Deeks could respond.

Once alone, Deeks releases a slow breath. "Well, alright then." He allows himself a smile as he turns towards the range to retrieve the neglected SIG. Once he has both guns in his hands he stares down at them and considers the differences. Really, there was more the same than different. "Something to think about," he mumbles to himself. And then he smiles again.


End file.
